So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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