Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
