Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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