i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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