I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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