Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
