AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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