Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Randomize
