Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
