Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
