Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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