would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
