How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
