This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Randomize
