Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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