hotel room ftw
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
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