3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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