whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
