Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
