I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
