I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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