You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
