You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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