so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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