Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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