At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
