don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
