I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
