We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
