She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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