So drunk, too bad you don't want this
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
