Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
