So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
