big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I didn't notice because vodka
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
