I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
