I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
