cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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