is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Enjoy the penises
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
