So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
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