p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
