Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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