Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
