at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
