wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
