Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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