her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize