you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
