Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
