i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
