so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
He felt like a one man threesome
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
