The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
