you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
