My hair reeks of homosexuality.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
