I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
