I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
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