we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
