I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
So much rum. So many feels.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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