Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
