saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
