You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
