Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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