Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Just pee around me
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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