I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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