Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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