I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
