I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
