Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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