just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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