I can tuck mytits in my pants
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
