when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
