What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
