Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Randomize