So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
